The One With a Lost Knight

As i sat alone, completely alone, in a place that is not strange to me (utem) with a Jane Austen book on my lap, I cannnot help but wonder how nice it was when everything else was too far away. when work or masters and soo little pay jobs fits under the category 'Life after this..'. When my love life still makes sense, every morning, evening and night. When the goal of the day was achieved by the end of it. And when everything is actually not as hard as it seems.

So now, sitting on an oddly placed chair in the middle of an alleyway, I miss the things that I hate about this place. And all because of..(hmm..not sure what should I call this reason of mine..)..my so-called knight in shinning armor, who went on an adventure to slay a dragon, and seems to have lost his way back. 

Yes, I can make my own hard-core fairy tale, complete with vampires and werewolves and witches owh-my!

The things i miss the most about this place is the free-will I had in me. When i put my head into something here, it usually works out right. Not exactly in a way that I want it to be, but it unfolds in the palm of my hand, or my stomach for that matter. But now, owh how things have changed. Now, I haven't plan anything up in my head just yet, and the plans or lack of it, go berserk in my hand, all the way down to my dirty-yet-chocolaty-green apron. 

I remember how alive i was in this rut-place, comparing to how dull and dead-like i am right now. I am not saying that I am in the condition of 'mandi tak basah, makan tak kenyang..' I still eat a lot and mandi more than twice a day unless i want to smell like kopi busuk. I am jaded, and have lost my free-will.

I'm sure everybody have their butterflies in their stomach moments, like I do, every time that pea-brain-so-called knight in shinning armor hasten to call my name. He let loose 1000 colorful butterflies fluttering in my stomach just by saying my name..that dumb-wit-pea-brain-jerk! 

So now, the butterflies aren't flying no more. All 1000 colorful butterflies all stomped up by the ugly orge that the imbecile so-called knight in shinning armor was chasing on.

Slowly but surely I am beginning to unravel that life, mine at least are not easy as it is meant to be. I always use a 'line is not always straight'. To think of how many friends I had help using this 'line is not straight', ha! Owh and not to forget this line that I always use 'Everything will be fine, if you just talk to him..'. Hmm..if only they can see me now.

Comparing myself and past-me in the last 4 years that I spent here, I am jealous of my past self because I was magically-bubblely happy. And the state that I am right now is magically-murkyly gloomy.

All things pushed aside, I do wished that I will not lose faith in myself, that I will find every 1000 colorful butterflies and trap them in my stomach. I will find my free will, and my reason to be magically happy. I am determine to find my own happily ever after, even if i have to slay 1000 dragons just to conquer one. Hmm..better start with an expedition to find the map of to which locates those ferocious beasts. Better yet, screw the so-called knight in shinning armor, I'll just find a magician to guide me to my happy ending instead.

(..then I'll umpan the so-called knight in shinning armor into the cave where the ferocious dragons are, with his shinning armor rusting and a numb blade..haha!)