So now, sitting on an oddly placed chair in the middle of an alleyway, I miss the things that I hate about this place. And all because of..(hmm..not sure what should I call this reason of mine..)..my so-called knight in shinning armor, who went on an adventure to slay a dragon, and seems to have lost his way back.
Yes, I can make my own hard-core fairy tale, complete with vampires and werewolves and witches owh-my!
The things i miss the most about this place is the free-will I had in me. When i put my head into something here, it usually works out right. Not exactly in a way that I want it to be, but it unfolds in the palm of my hand, or my stomach for that matter. But now, owh how things have changed. Now, I haven't plan anything up in my head just yet, and the plans or lack of it, go berserk in my hand, all the way down to my dirty-yet-chocolaty-green apron.
I remember how alive i was in this rut-place, comparing to how dull and dead-like i am right now. I am not saying that I am in the condition of 'mandi tak basah, makan tak kenyang..' I still eat a lot and mandi more than twice a day unless i want to smell like kopi busuk. I am jaded, and have lost my free-will.
I'm sure everybody have their butterflies in their stomach moments, like I do, every time that pea-brain-so-called knight in shinning armor hasten to call my name. He let loose 1000 colorful butterflies fluttering in my stomach just by saying my name..that dumb-wit-pea-brain-jerk!
So now, the butterflies aren't flying no more. All 1000 colorful butterflies all stomped up by the ugly orge that the imbecile so-called knight in shinning armor was chasing on.
Slowly but surely I am beginning to unravel that life, mine at least are not easy as it is meant to be. I always use a 'line is not always straight'. To think of how many friends I had help using this 'line is not straight', ha! Owh and not to forget this line that I always use 'Everything will be fine, if you just talk to him..'. Hmm..if only they can see me now.
Comparing myself and past-me in the last 4 years that I spent here, I am jealous of my past self because I was magically-bubblely happy. And the state that I am right now is magically-murkyly gloomy.
All things pushed aside, I do wished that I will not lose faith in myself, that I will find every 1000 colorful butterflies and trap them in my stomach. I will find my free will, and my reason to be magically happy. I am determine to find my own happily ever after, even if i have to slay 1000 dragons just to conquer one. Hmm..better start with an expedition to find the map of to which locates those ferocious beasts. Better yet, screw the so-called knight in shinning armor, I'll just find a magician to guide me to my happy ending instead.
(..then I'll umpan the so-called knight in shinning armor into the cave where the ferocious dragons are, with his shinning armor rusting and a numb blade..haha!)
